


You Can Close Your Eyes

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-TRoS, Sharing a Bed, So much angst, Wholesome, after tros, ben solo’s good boy sweater, help me, im crying, rey wears ben’s sweater, warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:55:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the death of her soulmate, Ben Solo, Rey lives alone on Takodana. One night, he comes to visit, but the nights are always the hardest.Or:Ben Solo good boy sweater fic that’s it that’s the fic
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	You Can Close Your Eyes

Rey sat on the stone floor of the hut she had built on Takodana. It sat on the remnants of Maz’s castle, and it still held the same spirit; Rey could feel it. The only thing she wished was that Ben was next to her. Seeing him go, the look in his eyes after their lips touched for the first time. It was something she could never forgetday . He tasted like hope, like the forests on Takodana, the salt on Crait, the rain on Ahch-To. He tasted like life. 

And then he was falling through her arms, but she never did let go of his hand. Even as his body slowly disappeared, becoming one with the force, only his clothes left in a pile, did she hold his hand. His rough yet soft hand, the one that she had touched over the fire on Ahch-To, when she felt heard, when she felt love. She wasn’t alone, neither was he. 

But now she felt as lonely as she did staring into the mirror projecting endless visions of herself. He was gone. She would do anything to hold him again, kiss him again, even if it meant she could never walk again, never see again, as long as she could feel him. 

Rey’s tears were just starting to dry when new droplets formed in her eyes. They just wouldn’t stop. She cradled him sweater in her arms; it still smelled like him. 

Takodana’s winds grew harsher as the sun set, the night’s chilling air freezing Rey’s arms. With hesitation, not knowing what it would do to her, how it would make her feel, she put his sweater on. It instantly warmed her, as if a fire was lit all around her. 

She didn’t want it to get wet with her tears, wanting to preserve it as long as she lived, never letting it out of her sight, but she was cold, and it was right there. 

The tears would dry, she said to herself. 

Besides, even if it tore, or dirtied, she would still keep it. Even if it was just a piece of cloth, it was his, and she would never let him go. 

After lighting a fire, she got a pot to start cooking. She had taken up a hobby, and Takodona had wonderful ingredients for stews. At least it wasn’t the portions on Jakku, the ones that barely left her feeling satisfied after working in the scorching sun to get them. 

Here, on the lush planet, she could go into the forest and find delicious vegetables and fruits she didn’t even know existed. Truly, she had never seen so much green in the entire galaxy. 

Her hut was small, which allowed the warmth to spread quickly, and the scents of her meal to hang in the air. 

Sitting down to eat her dinner, her eyes wandered to the cloaked binary beacon sitting on the table near the corner. At least if she needed the crew, she could find them.

_ “I need some time,” Rey said.  _

_ “Take as long as you need, Rey,” Finn replied, smiling.  _

_ “You’ve been through a lot.” Rose took Rey in her arms.  _

_ “I’m going to Takodana, I need some familiar forests.” _

_ Rey stepped on the Millennium Falcon, closing the door as she waved goodbye to the Resistance for a while.  _

It was for the best, Rey said to herself, letting the memory retreat back into her mind. It wasn’t that she didn’t  _ want  _ to go back, because she certainly did. But there was something about the thought of her going back to a group, a home, where Ben wasn’t there with her. She dreamed of bringing him back, it would take the crew some getting used to, but he would grow on them just as she had. 

Rey had finished her meal and she sat on a small wooden chair, her legs to her chest. She pulled the sleeves of his sweater over her hands, trying to cover every inch of her skin with his essence. 

And Rey cried. She cried for being alone, and for feeling bad for feeling alone, knowing she had people who cared for her. 

And she drank. Rey was glad she had brought, rather stole, some bottles of Poe’s liquor, or else she would have had to face nights sober.

The nights were always the hardest, she told herself. The times when she felt most alone, when his sweater wasn’t warm enough so she had to cover herself with a blanket. 

She was positively drunk now, stumbling around the hut, trying to find the cap to the bottle or else she would just keep drinking. 

But when she would reach out her arm, she would notice that goddamn sweater. And she would spiral back down. Clenching the fabric between her fingers, taking her anger out on the material, wishing she could yell at him for the pain he put her through, though it wasn’t his fault. 

“It suits you.” A voice spoke. 

He was surrounded by the blue aura, but he was there, leaning against a wall 

“You’re not really here. I’m drunk,” she said, slurring her words and stumbling closer to him. 

“One of those is false.”

She was so close to him now, so close she could almost touch him. So she did, caressing his cheek, tears forming in her eyes. 

“Ben.” She smiled. “I miss you.” She pressed her forehead against his chest, breathing him in. It was more than the sweater could offer. 

“I know you do.” He choked out his words, struggling to speak. 

“I want you back. Please come back.” She cried into his tunic, staining it with her tears. 

“I’m right here, Rey.” He stroked her hair, pouring out everything he felt onto her, knowing he was never good with words. 

“But not really.”

“Let’s get you to bed, Rey. Let me lay with you while I’m still here.” He kissed the top of her head and scooped her up in his arms. 

He placed her on the bed, resting her head on a pillow. He laid down beside her, cradling her in his arms. 

“I love you,” he said. “So much, Rey.” 

“I know.” She laughed, tears blotting the pillow. “I love you, too.” 

Her hands traced along his features; his chiseled nose, remnants of the scar she had given him, and she kissed them. She pressed her love deep into his skin, hoping that when he disappeared, the feeling would never fade away. 

“I’m worried if I close my eyes, you’ll be gone when I wake up.” She ran her fingers through his hair. 

“You can close your eyes, it’s alright.” He pressed his lips one final time to her lips. 

Because then he was fading away, but she was half asleep. So she let herself think he was still there, and she cradled herself, feeling his sweater caress her the way she wished he could do for all eternity. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for so much angst yall but I hope you cried with me :( Thanks for reading!


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